"I know a lot about knees, shoulders, elbows, and I’m getting an education on wrists. I think I could pass a pretty good test on bones. No brain surgery yet. Luckily, I’ve stayed away from that."
Bart Bryant, 47, talking about his myriad ailments over the years as he prepares for surgery on his left wrist.

"How screwed up is that? How do you not get the 30th-ranked player in the world? It just blows my mind."
Ben Curtis, after Justin Rose failed to qualify for the US Open, despite winning the Memorial two weeks ago.

"Someone asked me if I was excited to be going out there to the Champions Tour. I said I would be excited if the hole was bigger. But I think it’s the same size out there, so I’m not that excited. I can miss ‘em out there same as I can miss ‘em out here."
Mark Calcavecchia, who announced that this week's Memorial Tournament will be his last regular PGA Tour event before becoming a full-time Champions Tour fixture.

"You’ve got to be man enough to take it on the chin. I am in the firing line."
Ernie Els, after hearing plenty of complaints at the BMW Championship of his re-design to the course (Wentworth Golf Club).

"Just so there is no confusion, I would like to make it clear that this is my decision."
Hank Haney, in an announcement that the swing coach and world No. 1 Tiger Woods would no longer be working together.

"He [Dustin Johnson] and I had a little contest. He was going to hit it lefty, I was going to hit it righty, and neither one of us hit the green. I at least reached the water; Dustin struggled with that."
Phil Mickelson, after he and Dustin Johnson switched clubs on the par-3 17th island green during Tuesday's practice round at the Players Championship.

"A part of me is disappointed because no one is going to talk about me anymore," he said with a smile. "At least you had something to write about before. Now I'm just another guy with a win."
Tim Clark, talking to the press after his win at the Players Championship.

"We haven’t talked as much as we used to be because I think he’s probably trying to get himself right. I’m all supportive of that."
Michael Jordan, on his communications with Tiger Woods.

"The last two times I’ve fainted and woken up in a pool of vomit, I’ve won."
Phil Mickelson, referring to his sickness at the start of the tournament and his victories at the '09 WGC-CA Championship and his '01 win at Torrey Pines. Alas, Lefty didn't have a third vomit-inspired victory.

"I can tell you right away it is going to be tough dealing with all the emotions. For sure there are going to be a lot of tears – joy tears."
Lorena Ochoa, on the eve of her last LPGA event in her native Mexico.

"We liked the ad. It certainly got people talking."
Phil Knight, Nike founder, in response the to criticism over his company's latest Tiger Woods advertisement featuring the voice of a deceased Earl Woods.

"You prepare and prepare and think about it, and it’s killing me. I think next year I’ll just fly in on Wednesday, leave the family at home, play 18 holes and then the golf tournament. What must be, must be. Doing it 17 years, walking around and looking around . . . it’s crazy."
Ernie Els, who won twice leading up to the Masters, but suffered another Augusta disappointment, finishing tied for 18th.

"I was as nervous to see him as anything. I walked out there and said, 'Do you need a putting lesson?' He started laughing."
Brad Faxon, who had a chance meeting with Tiger Woods on the range at Isleworth.

"It's very difficult to talk about Tiger Woods, as I know him as a golfer and a pretty good friend. It's basically affected a lot of lives on Tour, as well, because of the constant questioning that we have to answer about a fellow player's private life."
Ernie Els, telling the media he and other players are tired of answering questions about Tiger Woods.

"Having the first Nationwide Tour event in Colombia is awesome. It’s a dream come true for my country. It’s a dream come true for myself."
Camilo Villegas, who hosted the first-ever Nationwide Tour event in his home country earlier in the week before flying to Florida to participate in the PGA Tour's Honda Classic, which he won in style.

"I thought it was a mistake. I looked up on the board and I’m like, do they have that right up there?"
Angela Stanford, during a post-round interview, after seeing a 79 next to Lorena Ochoa's name on the scoreboard at the HSBC Women's Champions in Singapore.

"It’s selfish. You can write that. I feel sorry for the sponsor. Mondays are a good day to make statements, not Friday. This takes a lot away from the golf tournament."
Ernie Els, to Golfweek magazine, upset at the timing of Woods' news conference – before getting word of the reasoning behind the situation.

"We all make mistakes, and we all say things we wish we could take back. I’ve done it a bunch in my career. And the fact that it’s also not easy to come up and face that person, look them in the eye and apologise … I appreciate him being a big enough man to do that."
Phil Mickelson, saying that he accepted Scott McCarron's apology.

"You end up giving them a signed golf ball or glove. But like that really matters at that point, you know? It’s like, ‘Great, I got hit in the head and I got a golf ball for it.'"
David Duval, after a round in which he struck a patron in the head that required three stitches.

"I feel really sorry for Elin since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy then he is. I would probably need to apologise to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron."
Jesper Parnevik's told reporters his thoughts about the Tiger Woods saga at PGA Tour Qualifying School in West Palm Beach, Florida.

"Looking at the list of names who have won this title makes me appreciate that I am in good company."
Englishman Chris Wood, after being named the European Tour's Rookie of the Year, on previous winners such as Nick Faldo, Jose Maria Olazabal, Colin Montgomerie and Sergio Garcia.

"I’ve never won down here, so now I have won on every continent, except for Antarctica. I haven’t played the Antarctica Four-Ball yet. But to have won on every playable continent, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. And now I’ve done that."
Tiger Woods, following his win at the JBWere Masters in Australia.

"It made me realize I’m actually a nobody. I thought I was decently somebody, but this confirms it. In worldwide golf, I’m a nobody."
Pat Perez, on the lack of fans following his group at the WGC-HSBC Champions in China.

“What we use the goats for is to ... eat all the foliage down so that we’re not in there with weed eaters and gas-powered motors, to basically reduce our carbon footprint on the environment.”
Sean Novotny, superintendent at Kensington GC in Canfield, Ohio, on purchasing two goats for $50 (R400) each to maintain naturalised areas on the 300-acre property that are too steep to mow.

"I was kind of beating my head there on the back nine and to come in and hear people singing to you is a nice way to finish."
Australia's Michael Sim, upon coming up to the 18th green on Friday – his 25th birthday – and the crowd singing 'Happy Birthday.'

"While I feel like the comments published were taken out of context, I did call Anthony to apologise for anything that I said or inferred that could possibly portray Anthony as anything less than a professional of the highest calibre."
Robert Allenby, in a statement following the Presidents Cup, in which the Aussie made disparaging remarks about Anthony Kim.

“I’m sure that some people will feel sorry for me or maybe cry when they see this program. But I feel very happy and a very lucky person because throughout my life I have had so many great moments.”
Seve Ballesteros, who is battling brain cancer, in an interview with the BBC.

"I love the people. I will continue to play up there my entire career and will do anything I can to find a new sponsor."
Boo Weekley, when it was announced that Verizon had pulled its sponsorship of the PGA Tour stop in Hilton Head. Weekley won the event in 2007 and 2008.

“I told [my teacher] I had to miss the test because I was playing in a tournament. He asked what tournament, and I said the LPGA. He was, like, ‘Wow, you’re there already?’ ”
Casie Cathrea, 13, who qualified for the LPGA Challenge, but had to skip a high school biology exam as a result. She shot 74-75 to miss the cut, but made a hole-in-one in the first round.

"Getting advice like that from good players is obviously awesome, but getting it from basically the greatest of all time is pretty cool. I mean, I’m his competition, and for him to help me out like he did was very classy, I thought."
Sean O'Hair, talking about the fact that Woods offered him some putting advice on the eve of the Tour Championship.

“He putts like he shoots free throws—anything within 15 feet is going down.”
Mike Scully, head pro at Medinah CC near Chicago, describing the golf prowess of club member Michael Jordan, who was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame September 11.

"I’ve got one record Tiger will never beat. I had to sleep on the lead for five nights."
Ben Curtis, recalling that he led wire-to-wire at the now-defunct Booz Allen Classic back in 2006, which due to weather, did not finish until Tuesday.

"Hey, if I can keep playing the way I did last week, maybe the three-year plan can be revived.
I feel good now. I feel positive, and I feel my game is coming around, so I just want to try and win."
Ernie Els, on Wednesday at Deutsche Bank Championship. He went on to miss the cut.

“I believe it’s one of the five greatest shots he’s ever struck. So when we were done, I went out and retrieved Tiger’s divot at 16.”
Jim Nantz, CBS announcer, on picking up the piece of turf left by Tiger Woods’ 8-iron from 163 metres on Firestone CC’s 16th hole during the final round of the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational. Nantz said he gave the divot to a friend who is nurturing it.

“[Our friendship] goes back a long ways, well over 20 years. I was the only other person in the car with Earl [Woods] and Tiger when he drove down Magnolia Lane for the first time.”
Notah Begay III, who, as host of the NB3 Foundation Challenge, a skins game charity fundraiser, at Atunyote GC in upstate New York August 24, lured Woods, his former Stanford roommate and teammate, to play.

"He went to the bar and filled it up. Come to think of it, I don’t even know where the tab went on that."
Stewart Cink, on his adventure to a bar in his hometown of Atlanta with the Claret Jug in tow.

"It’s a great tournament, and I love the course, but I need to be with my family right now. We have some tough decisions to make over the next few weeks."
Kenny Perry, announcing that he was skipping his title defense at the Buick Open to be with his mother, who is dying from blood cancer.

Why do I still love it? I can’t answer that. It’s been in my blood. It’s been what I’ve always done. It’s just always been there, and I still try and improve. I still watch golf even on television, so it’s a mad drug.
Ernie Els, on why he still loves golf despite his poor performance recently.

“If the US Passport office ever hosts a golf outing, I’m on the hook to play in it.”
Stewart Cink, after the government service office renewed his children’s passports one day prior to the family’s departure for the Open Championship. Cink hadn’t realised the passports had expired.

"He is a killer, he will run over you, he will kick your ass. But as an individual for social change? Terrible. Terrible. Because he can get away with teaching kids to play golf, and that's his contribution."
Jim Brown, on HBO's "Real Sports," with his opinion on Tiger Woods' social activism.

"I was lying in my bed all morning yelling at the TV. I think someone probably called to complain about the noise."
Brandt Snedeker, Lucas Glover's good friend, on watching the final round of the US Open in his hotel room.

"There’s mud and there’s wet and there’s stuff on your golf ball ... you’ve just got to club up a little bit and hope the ball stays on the planet."
Graeme McDowell, with his philosophy on playing in the awful conditions at Bethpage.

“You end up giving them a signed golf ball or glove. But like that really matters at that point, you know? It’s like, ‘Great, I got hit in the head and I got a golf ball for it.'"
David Duval, after his round on Thursday in which he struck a patron in the head that required three stitches.

“This game is just so stupid sometimes … Obviously I am delighted to get through, but to do it like that is unbelievable."
Peter Hanson, after carding a hole-in-one in a playoff to qualify for this month’s US Open at Bethpage.

“There were a few times I would be sitting there and you guys would be asking questions and I would be thinking to myself ‘I don’t give a flying you-know-what about golf right now. I’ve got other things going on.’ ”
Ernie Els, to reporters at the BMW PGA Championship, on coping with 6-year-old son Ben’s autism before the golfer and his wife Liezl, went public with the diagnosis.

“The Ryder Cup is a great spectacle, but an exhibition at the end of the day, and it should be there to be enjoyed. In the big scheme of things it's not that important to me."
Rory McIlroy, citing his lack of interest in the Ryder Cup.

“It was a tough day for me. It brought back a lot of memories. It was hard for me to focus on what I was doing."
Kenny Perry, who played the first two rounds of The Players alongside Angel Cabrera, the man who beat him in the Masters playoff.

“My mind just wanders. I’m thinking about what shoes I’m going to buy, I need to wash my car. I’m thinking about stuff that doesn’t matter..."
Bubba Watson, discussing his inability to stay focused on the golf course.

“...I saw this NBC golf cart coming at me and he said, ‘I hate to be the one to tell you this but you hit a lady. She’s down on the ground.’ That is, you know, sobering.”
Actor Bill Murray, playing in the Champions Tour's Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am, after plunking a lady with an errant shot. She was taken to a nearby hospital and all was OK.

“I don't like it to tell you the truth. I don't think it's fair. It's too tricky... It's too much of a guessing game. I don't care. They (Masters Committee) can do whatever they want. It's not my problem. I just come here and play and then go home. That's about it.“
Sergio Garcia, now 0-42 in majors, on Augusta National as a Major course.

“I have some fast carpet in my basement that I'll be working on quite a bit because those greens are so fast and so different than what we've played the last few weeks in Florida.”
Mike Weir, the 2003 Masters champion about his preparations for Augusta National's fast putting surfaces.